I am not the voice!

 In Diary in therapy, März 2009

Again, I see no success. No progress, no results, I still feel extremely bad and would like to throw it all away. My illness is raging and confirming that I am a bad person and that I  wouldn’t deserve any help. I could go home right away.
Why I do not feel better with the therapy? Why do I still feel so desperate? S. tries to calm me down today. For so many years I live with my voice. You and I became one. I have never questioned her, I have taken everything without reflecting it.
The first step in therapy is to make me aware that I am not the voice. My illness is the voice. She wants to own me. She can not live without me.
But I can live without her. I have to fight against this negative thinking and then I would be free and healthy again. She is not doing me any good. No, on the contrary. She shames me, she hurts me, she destroys me. Before this happens, before this happens, I have to destroy her. I want to get well again.

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